Sunday, August 7, 2011

My thoughts and feelings exploding

When i First came here...
When i First decided to come back to Germany i really didnt know what people meant by coming back and staffing would mean that i would have to sacrifice so much to do what God was telling me to do. Now though i finally realize what everyone was talking about, Don’t get me wrong its great to be back and doing everything God has been calling me to do and there is such pleasure in knowing that, I have a purpose and that my life has a meaning. But this past week everything I have sacrificed is just all coming to my mind and it is really making things hard. The sacrifice of my family, friends, security, and a normal college experiance. This all is either delayed or gone. Satan is taking advantage of all of this and using it against me, making every decision i make here waited, and every thought that comes to my mind cloudy. I feel as though my life is out of focus, and i am just waiting for this to pass and for God to clear up everything… I know though I have to step up and do it, this is God’s plan and i can’t just be moping around about everything that i wont be able to do, but i should be excited about everything God is going to do through me. I do have direction i do have a purpose, yes the path im taking isnt normal and i know people think this is just the lazy way of going through life, but thats ok i guess… Im living in poverty for the sake of helping others and fighting injustice. Maybe i wont be able to eat tomorrow, maybe i wont have clean clothes everyday… Maybe i cant pay my rent, But God is giving me something new, a new perspective, a purpose, and friends. This post might not make since to anyone but me, but i feel like this is what my mind is saying, this is what has been building up in my mind, and this is my mind throwing up on paper.
Love you all keep me in your prayers, God is taking me on an adventure.

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